"No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys."

It drives me crazy that after someone dies,
no one talks bad about them.

Is that a terrible thing to say?

Yes.
Fine.
But as Dido would point out: if I didn't say it, I'd still have felt it.  
And where's the sense in that?

It's just...
Well I know it would be disrespectful to the memory and everything, but there is no reason why coffins should automatically come with pedestals.

I guess my point is that I just think it makes it harder to cope with it.

It seems like it would be so much easier to think "It was about time ---she had a short temper anyway."